Eulogy - Sr Anne McGrath

What the Lord asks of us is this: 

• to do what is just,
• to show constant love
• to live in humble fellowship with our God

This reading, chosen by the Barat Community, goes to the heart of the woman, Sister Betty O’Brien, Religious of the Sacred Heart, whose life we are celebrating this morning. 

Gathered here in this chapel is a wide range of people who knew her, loved her and whose lives have been touched by her:

• Her RSCJ Sisters
• Her family especially her sister, Kathleen, her brother-in-law, Bob, her nieces, nephews and cousins.  We are mindful of her sister, Marie, who is unable to be here.
• Her many friends
• Members of the Sacre Coeur School Community: School Board Directors, the Principal John Fox and members of the School Executive, staff, students, parents and, in a very special way, alumnae

This morning I want to highlight a few of the significant stages of her life, knowing that much will be left unsaid.  Betty was the eldest of three daughters of Francis and Dorothy O’Brien, a loving and caring sister to Marie and Kathleen. In her early religious life, her access to her family was limited to monthly visits in the parlour, a challenging time when small nieces and nephews, were dressed in their best and enjoined to behave well.  With changes to religious life, the family was able to meet in more relaxed settings. 

Gatherings before Christmas are a special memory. Betty would come with thoughtful gifts for her nieces and nephews as well as her sisters.  Kathleen speaks of Betty as always being concerned for family members, taking great interest in the next generation, all of whom knew they were much loved.  These close bonds extended to her cousins.  From what has been shared with me, the O’Brien clan was clearly family minded as evidenced by the presence of many here to-day.

A celebration in 2002 saw the three O’Brien sisters travelling by train to Burradoo in New South Wales, where Betty celebrated her Golden Jubilee of first Profession with two other RSCJ, a truly memorable day. 

Now to go back in time.  She was educated at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart at Bentleigh. During the war she worked as a public servant for the navy and, it is said, had many admirers.  Subsequently, she became very involved in lay ministry through the Young Catholic Students, eventually becoming the National Secretary.  Friends of that time remember her as full of fun, efficient, able to take difficulties in her stride and as a faithful friend. 

She became involved in an International Catholic Women’s Movement, the Grail and maintained contact with them all her life.  When she felt called to religious life, she was attracted to the Carmelites.  It was the life of Janet Erskine Stuart, Religious of the Sacred Heart and a conversation with Mother Wilmer Kirby that influenced her choice of the Society.

Betty served the Society in financial administration as School Bursar and Provincial Treasurer. She was tireless in supporting the involvement of the laity as early as the 1960s, a woman before her times.  She served first on the Provincial Council and then as Provincial in the late 1970s.  After that, she became School Secretary at Sacre Coeur.  I am sure there are alumnae here to-day who remember her warm greeting and attentiveness at the reception during all the comings and goings of the school day. 

There followed a period of about 6 years at Christ the King Parish Community at Braybrook where she delighted in parish involvement and the varied opportunities for ministry.  These included teaching English as a second language to refugees in whom she took a personal interest. She was very supportive of RSCJ working with refugees in the area at that time.

In 1996, she was asked to return to Sacre Coeur.  Since then, she has been a much loved and respected member of the School Community, a member of the then School Council and the RSCJ contact with the School Principal. I know Mr Fox would attest to her wise guidance and unwavering support.  She took a keen interest in all that concerned the School even in times of her ill health.

I asked members of the Barat Community, some RSCJ who were close to Betty and some alumnae to share how they knew her.  It was clear that it was the person she was, rather than what she did, that they valued.

As I heard from them, some strong themes recurred:

• She had a great capacity for friendship, was loyal and faithful to her friends; faithful to some people who might otherwise not have known such constancy in their lives.

• She had an extraordinary connectedness with people, a memory for names and key events in people’s lives, of who was related to whom. 

• Her humility and generosity, her sense of realism and simplicity were among her great gifts.  There are two phrases in the original Constitutions of the Society dating back to 1815, which, to me, characterize Betty.  They must love and desire that simplicity which springs from the calmness of a soul who seeks and longs for nothing but her God……and it goes on to speak of a religious who chooses always the most straightforward and obvious line of conduct.  (par. 348)   Betty was a woman who had this beautiful gift of simplicity.

• One RSCJ said that she was one of her life-long mentors, that what she responded to most in their relationship was her wisdom, a wisdom that came from her life experience and openness to learn from that experience.

• As Provincial, she respected some personal decisions of individuals that caused her deep suffering. She was an open, accepting person “in whom there was no guile” or hidden agenda.  She did not hurry decisions, but knew how to wait until the time was right.

• She was both informed and astute in politics and in the social issues of the day.  When roused to action, she would take to her pen, whether to newspapers, politicians or other public figures.  She maintained a faithful correspondence with an asylum seeker detained on Nauru, a correspondence which resumed when the person returned to his homeland.

•  Betty’s sense of humour and love of life were a source of encouragement and hope to many.  She had the ability to relax and enjoy a holiday, to enjoy the companionship of friends. She loved a good chat, the sharing of memories and of stories, often with a chuckle and a twinkle in the eye.

In speaking of her earlier life, I mentioned her early attraction to the Carmelites.  She was a woman of prayer and this was evident in her life.  Christian meditation, as taught by John Main and Lawrence Freeman, became central to her life.  She shared this with others in a regular prayer group.  I have an abiding image of Betty from times when I spent a holiday with her.  Late each afternoon she would sit outside on the verandah, perfectly still and serene.  I knew what she was doing, praying her chosen mantra, deeply present to her God.

Special mention must be made of her involvement with the Sacre Coeur Alumnae for whom she has been a faithful friend, a wise mentor, the source of extraordinary background information, one who gave her compassionate presence in times of sorrow and who celebrated in times of joy. Not a notice of a birth, engagement, marriage or death escaped her caring attention!  The Mass in November for deceased alumnae has grown into a very special occasion with invitations sent widely to people who were part of the deceased person’s life.  One alumna told me that her sense of friendship was so strong that she found herself unable to refuse Betty’s request that she become President of the alumnae association.

Before concluding my tribute to Betty, I want to speak with great appreciation of the professional, compassionate and loving care she received in the past six months: at Cabrini Hospital Malvern, at Cabrini Palliative Care at Prahran and finally at Cabrini Ashwood Nursing Home.  In turn, Betty made a profound impact on nurses and staff who spoke of her peace and serenity, of her simplicity in receiving their care.  Members of the Barat Community have given to her the love, care and constancy which she showed to others.  In this they have been greatly supported by the School community.

On behalf of Betty’s sisters, Marie and Kathleen and their families, of the Barat Community and all RSCJ, I thank you for your presence here to-day as we join in our sense of loss and in celebration of a great and humble woman and Religious of the Sacred Heart.  In particular I thank John Fox, School Principal, Mark Oski, Director of Mission and all at Sacre Coeur who have contributed so generously to the preparation of the liturgy and the arrangements this morning.  I thank the students and members of the Music Department who have honoured Betty with the singing at this Mass.

After Mass, we warmly invite you to gather downstairs for refreshments and the opportunity to share memories of Betty. 

Earlier I spoke of Betty’s introduction to the Society when she read the life of Mother Janet Erskine Stuart and had a conversation with Mother Wilmer Kirby. 

In conclusion, I offer you a reflection from the writings of Janet Stuart which, perhaps, gives us a sense of Betty’s new life.

THINK

Of stepping on the shore and finding it Heaven:

Of taking hold of a hand and finding it God’s hand:

Of breathing a new air and finding it celestial air:

Of feeling invigorated and finding it immortality:

Of passing from storm and tempest to an unknown calm:

Of waking and finding it Home!