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It is not what you are nor what you have been that God sees with
all merciful eyes,
but what you desire to be.
The Cloud of Unknowing
There
is something wanting in education where a child has not had its share of
leisure, to be rapt in silence and alone…
Janet Stuart rscJ
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Sr Betty O’Brien, RSCJ
14.10.24 - 27.07.07
Memorial Mass - 4 August 2007
Sacre Coeur School Chapel
Eulogy - Sr Anne McGrath
What the
Lord asks of us is this:
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to do
what is just,
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to
show constant love
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to
live in humble fellowship with our God
This reading, chosen by the
Barat Community, goes to the heart of the woman, Sister Betty O’Brien, Religious
of the Sacred Heart, whose life we are celebrating this morning.
Gathered here in this chapel is
a wide range of people who knew her, loved her and whose lives have been touched
by her:
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Her RSCJ Sisters
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Her family especially her
sister, Kathleen, her brother-in-law, Bob, her nieces, nephews and cousins.
We are mindful of her sister, Marie, who is unable to be here.
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Her many friends
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Members of the Sacre Coeur
School Community: School Board Directors, the Principal John Fox and members
of the School Executive, staff, students, parents and, in a very special
way, alumnae
This morning I want to highlight
a few of the significant stages of her life, knowing that much will be left
unsaid. Betty was the eldest of three daughters of Francis and Dorothy O’Brien,
a loving and caring sister to Marie and Kathleen. In her early religious life,
her access to her family was limited to monthly visits in the parlour, a
challenging time when small nieces and nephews, were dressed in their best and
enjoined to behave well. With changes to religious life, the family was able to
meet in more relaxed settings.
Gatherings before Christmas are
a special memory. Betty would come with thoughtful gifts for her nieces and
nephews as well as her sisters. Kathleen speaks of Betty as always being
concerned for family members, taking great interest in the next generation, all
of whom knew they were much loved. These close bonds extended to her cousins.
From what has been shared with me, the O’Brien clan was clearly family minded as
evidenced by the presence of many here to-day.
A celebration in 2002 saw the
three O’Brien sisters travelling by train to Burradoo in New South Wales, where
Betty celebrated her Golden Jubilee of first Profession with two other RSCJ, a
truly memorable day.
Now to go back in time. She was
educated at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart at Bentleigh. During the war she worked
as a public servant for the navy and, it is said, had many admirers.
Subsequently, she became very involved in lay ministry through the Young
Catholic Students, eventually becoming the National Secretary. Friends of that
time remember her as full of fun, efficient, able to take difficulties in her
stride and as a faithful friend.
She became involved in an
International Catholic Women’s Movement, the Grail and maintained contact with
them all her life. When she felt called to religious life, she was attracted to
the Carmelites. It was the life of Janet Erskine Stuart, Religious of the
Sacred Heart and a conversation with Mother Wilmer Kirby that influenced her
choice of the Society.
Betty served the Society in
financial administration as School Bursar and Provincial Treasurer. She was
tireless in supporting the involvement of the laity as early as the 1960s, a
woman before her times. She served first on the Provincial Council and then as
Provincial in the late 1970s. After that, she became School Secretary at Sacre
Coeur. I am sure there are alumnae here to-day who remember her warm greeting
and attentiveness at the reception during all the comings and goings of the
school day.
There followed a period of about
6 years at Christ the King Parish Community at Braybrook where she delighted in
parish involvement and the varied opportunities for ministry. These included
teaching English as a second language to refugees in whom she took a personal
interest. She was very supportive of RSCJ working with refugees in the area at
that time.
In 1996, she was asked to return
to Sacre Coeur. Since then, she has been a much loved and respected member of
the School Community, a member of the then School Council and the RSCJ contact
with the School Principal. I know Mr Fox would attest to her wise guidance and
unwavering support. She took a keen interest in all that concerned the School
even in times of her ill health.
I asked members of the Barat
Community, some RSCJ who were close to Betty and some alumnae to share how they
knew her. It was clear that it was the person she was, rather than what she
did, that they valued.
As I heard from them, some
strong themes recurred:
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She had a great capacity for
friendship, was loyal and faithful to her friends; faithful to some people
who might otherwise not have known such constancy in their lives.
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She had an extraordinary
connectedness with people, a memory for names and key events in people’s
lives, of who was related to whom.
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Her humility and generosity,
her sense of realism and simplicity were among her great gifts. There are
two phrases in the original Constitutions of the Society dating back to
1815, which, to me, characterize Betty. They must love and desire that
simplicity which springs from the calmness of a soul who seeks and longs for
nothing but her God……and it goes on to speak of a religious who
chooses always the most straightforward and obvious line of conduct.
(par. 348) Betty was a woman who had this beautiful gift of simplicity.
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One RSCJ said that she was
one of her life-long mentors, that what she responded to most in their
relationship was her wisdom, a wisdom that came from her life experience and
openness to learn from that experience.
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As Provincial, she respected
some personal decisions of individuals that caused her deep suffering. She
was an open, accepting person “in whom there was no guile” or hidden agenda.
She did not hurry decisions, but knew how to wait until the time was right.
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She was both informed and
astute in politics and in the social issues of the day. When roused to
action, she would take to her pen, whether to newspapers, politicians or
other public figures. She maintained a faithful correspondence with an
asylum seeker detained on Nauru, a correspondence which resumed when the
person returned to his homeland.
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Betty’s sense of humour and
love of life were a source of encouragement and hope to many. She had the
ability to relax and enjoy a holiday, to enjoy the companionship of friends.
She loved a good chat, the sharing of memories and of stories, often with a
chuckle and a twinkle in the eye.
In speaking of her earlier life,
I mentioned her early attraction to the Carmelites. She was a woman of prayer
and this was evident in her life. Christian meditation, as taught by John Main
and Lawrence Freeman, became central to her life. She shared this with others
in a regular prayer group. I have an abiding image of Betty from times when I
spent a holiday with her. Late each afternoon she would sit outside on the
verandah, perfectly still and serene. I knew what she was doing, praying her
chosen mantra, deeply present to her God.
Special mention must be made of
her involvement with the Sacre Coeur Alumnae for whom she has been a faithful
friend, a wise mentor, the source of extraordinary background information, one
who gave her compassionate presence in times of sorrow and who celebrated in
times of joy. Not a notice of a birth, engagement, marriage or death escaped her
caring attention! The Mass in November for deceased alumnae has grown into a
very special occasion with invitations sent widely to people who were part of
the deceased person’s life. One alumna told me that her sense of friendship was
so strong that she found herself unable to refuse Betty’s request that she
become President of the alumnae association.
Before concluding my tribute to
Betty, I want to speak with great appreciation of the professional,
compassionate and loving care she received in the past six months: at Cabrini
Hospital Malvern, at Cabrini Palliative Care at Prahran and finally at Cabrini
Ashwood Nursing Home. In turn, Betty made a profound impact on nurses and staff
who spoke of her peace and serenity, of her simplicity in receiving their care.
Members of the Barat Community have given to her the love, care and constancy
which she showed to others. In this they have been greatly supported by the
School community.
On behalf of Betty’s sisters,
Marie and Kathleen and their families, of the Barat Community and all RSCJ, I
thank you for your presence here to-day as we join in our sense of loss and in
celebration of a great and humble woman and Religious of the Sacred Heart. In
particular I thank John Fox, School Principal, Mark Oski, Director of Mission
and all at Sacre Coeur who have contributed so generously to the preparation of
the liturgy and the arrangements this morning. I thank the students and members
of the Music Department who have honoured Betty with the singing at this Mass.
After Mass, we warmly invite you
to gather downstairs for refreshments and the opportunity to share memories of
Betty.
Earlier I spoke of Betty’s
introduction to the Society when she read the life of Mother Janet Erskine
Stuart and had a conversation with Mother Wilmer Kirby.
In conclusion, I offer you a
reflection from the writings of Janet Stuart which, perhaps, gives us a sense of
Betty’s new life.
THINK
Of stepping on the shore and
finding it Heaven:
Of taking hold of a hand and
finding it God’s hand:
Of breathing a new air and
finding it celestial air:
Of feeling invigorated and
finding it immortality:
Of passing from storm and
tempest to an unknown calm:
Of waking and finding it Home!
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